I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I’m doing.

I have NO IDEA what I’m doing with my life.

And when it comes to a lot of things I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.

With dating.

With work.

With friends.

With writing.

With this blog.

And do you know what?

That is completely OKAY.

I think a lot of us have this fear that EVERYBODY ELSE has it all figured out.

That we are the IMPOSTER or the NOVICE

who is stupid and clueless

whilst everybody else is REIGNING SUPREME,

riding HIGH on the RAINBOW of LIFE.

This.

Is.

Not.

TRUE!

A year ago, I struck up a conversation with an elderly gentleman in a cafe and he said to me,

‘I feel exactly the same as when I was twenty, I’m just older than everybody else’.

At any age, we are ALL trying to figure out who we are and what we are doing with our lives.

This is why religion is such a massive foundation in so many people’s lives.

For meaning.

For purpose.

When I left school, I was terrified.

Everyone else was off to university.

And I had decided to take a gap year.

I had absolutely NO CLUE what I was doing.

And it seemed like everybody else had it ALL FIGURED OUT.

I knew I wanted to gain life experience before applying for drama school.

But how would I gain it?

I started work at a local insurance firm.

(There’s a start. That’s an adult thing to do)

And started relapsing into anorexia.

And that my friends, is how you gain LIFE EXPERIENCE.

(Joke. Don’t do that. That is not good advice).

Quite obviously that set me back a bit in my life.

And I missed a large part of being a ‘young person’ because I was in hospital or treatment.

I didn’t get to go to nightclubs with mates.

Or go travelling.

Or have a variety of exciting lovers.

I was stuck in hospital.

Apart from the one time I escaped the hospital, caught the bus to the centre of town and got my nipple and nose pierced….

(This actually happened)

My life was not exciting.

Looking out the window watching the 25 to Trumpington roll by AGAIN and AGAIN.

(Not the actual number 25, it was a bus. The actual number would have been ALOT MORE EXCITING!)

I missed two massive parts of my developing life because I was so afraid of the past, present and future.

Held back by the past.

Scared of the present moment.

And terrified of what the future held.

The feeling and NEED to know what you are doing and where you are going with your life is present in EVERYBODY.

A lack of self actualization is the need to realize and fulfill one’s talents or possibilities.

A desire to figure out what is life’s meaning and reach it’s full possibilities.

I know I have personally dealt with this lack of fulfilling self actualization in a variety of DESTRUCTIVE and HARMING ways.

It was like a never ending PICK AND MIX.

Except there were no strawberry laces, dolly mix or chocolate buttons.

Just self destructive habits.

And I think a lot of us can admit that we do this or have done this.

So how do we go about reaching self actualization?

Listen to your gut.

I will say this again and again..

And have HAD to be reminded this by a series of brilliant people I’ve met recently….

BUT LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

When I removed the self destructive habits

(drinking, overworking, under-eating, closing myself off from everybody, eating pick and mix sweets… wait that’s not right.)

I started seeing parts of myself again.

Without the distractions, I could hear my inner voice.

And it wasn’t happy.

So I’m now going through a process of RE-EVALUATING what I’m doing with my life and who I am (#quarterlifecrisis)

What is your GUT telling you?

Where do you want your life to go?

Kristina Karlsson of Kikki K has said,

‘
‘If you knew you’d die in three years what would you do differently? ‘

and the brilliant Amy Rushworth expanded on this recently in an instagram post,

‘I encourage you to be brave and think about what you want and what you might do differently if you knew you had three years left on this earth, in this one lifetime you’ve been gifted. Because truly, we never know how long we have – it could be a long lifetime or it could be a week. It’s about making the moments we have count.’

These words STRUCK me like a positive slap round the face.

(If that’s possible)

My depression got really bad because I was not fulfilled.

I hated my life. And I hated me.

And I’m working on that.

And actually it’s okay to not know what you’re doing.

Because if we had EVERYTHING figured out, life would be pretty dull.

It’s like a choose your own adventure, except it’s REAL.

So maybe start listening to your gut…

Listen to your inner voice. What is trying to tell you?

A lot of the time with my porridge recipes I go…

‘So what the HELL am I doing this week?’

It’s like a jazz improvisation.

Except it’s me in the fruit or spices aisle in the supermarket, talking to myself like a mad woman.

I had a dream the other night about raspberries

(I am notoriously known for having extremely mundane dreams. I once had a dream that my food cupboard was full of donut peaches. What does it mean?)

So today I woke up and I knew what I wanted to make.

Raspberry and Lime Cacao Zoats

(Very specific, I know.)

The tartness of the lime really contrasts the sweetness of the raspberry and cacao.

It’s like a chocolately raspberry mojito. Except replace the alcohol with OATS.

(It is the morning after all)

Raspberries and limes are packed full of anti-oxidants and vitamin C (great for waking up).

Limes are also FANTASTIC for digestion.

Cacao contains magnesium and iron so works well in aiding anxiety and tiredness.

Eating these oats, I closed my eyes, felt the sunshine and remembered I’m going to Thailand and Australia in 6 months.

That’s self actualizing something, surely?

Raspberry and Lime Cacao Oats

What you’ll need:

• 45g oats (double quantities as you go if making for more than one person)
• Plant based milk (enough to cover oats)
• 1/2 courgette grated.
• 1 tbsp of coconut cream
• A pinch of salt
• 1/2 tsp of cinnamon
• 1 tbsp of cacao/cocoa powder
• (Optional) 1 tbsp of Chocolate Protein Powder (I used Tribe‘s Salted Chocolate)
• (Optional) 1 tbsp of maple syrup/coconut sugar/honey to counteract the tartness of the lime.
• (Optional) 1 tbsp of Mindful Bites Hazelnut and Berries Nut Butter (or other nut butter)
• 1/2 lime juiced and zested.
• A handful of raspberries.

How to make it:

• Grated the courgette and set to one side.
• Juice and zest half a lime. Set to one side.
• Put oats into a pan or bowl with the cacao powder, cinnamon, optional protein powder, one tablespoon of lime juice, optional sweetener and salt.
• Top with plant based milk and a spoonful of coconut cream. Put enough plant based milk to cover the oats and a little more.
• If heating on the stove, heat on a low heat, stirring gently. Keep stirring till at consistency that is PERFECT for you.
• If heating in microwave, heat for 2 mins. Stir. Heat for another 2 mins. Heat for 1 min more if you like your porridge THICK.
• Top with nut butter, handful of raspberries and a sprinkle of lime zest.
• Sit down with your oats, and smell the chocolate and lime. What memory of image does this evoke? Let that feeling wash over you and enJOY.

Try and listen to your inner voice today.

At the end of the day, only you know your truth and the life you want,

Much love,

Joy xx