I love running.

I hate running.

Make your mind up, Joy.

I started running when I was recovering from my worst relapse of anorexia.

I had started to gain weight and was getting more ‘well’.

I downloaded the NHS Couch to 5k app (which I highly recommend).

I started off running with walking intervals and eased my way up to 5km.

Cue to 1 year later and I started running 10km at a time.

Cue to my final relapse of anorexia and I was running 15km A DAY.

When my orthorexia was bad, I was running 15km 5 times a week.

I would arrange work and socializing around my running routine.

It used to infuriate me when my mum used to tell me off for going for a run.

She would ask me how long and then tell me it wasn’t good for me.

‘How can exercise be bad for you?’, I used to angrily say.

Sometimes you can have ‘too much of a good thing’.

I will be honest….

Running is incredible.

The amount of adrenaline that rushes into your body.

Connecting with nature and the outside world for a period of time.

Having time to think by yourself.

Having time to think by yourself.

Having time to THINK BY YOURSELF.

HAVING TIME TO THINK BY YOURSELF!

This can not always be a great thing.

There have been times on runs when I’ve had so much time to think by myself that I’ve worked myself into a panic attack.

Alone with my thoughts and no way to run from them #anxietyandrunningpun

Apart from the amount of pressure I was consistently putting on my joints.

In the long term this can lead to osteoporosis and arthritis.

I told people how much I loved running.

That it cleared my head.

But it only cleared my heads of the thoughts that I was ‘fat’.

It gave me permission to eat during the day.

And punished my body if I ate above the remit I was allowed.

I have not run in nearly a month.

And when I did it was 7km.

And I still love running.

But I’m reteaching my body to exercise for…

Enjoyment.

Strength

And celebration.

So right now I’m engaging in exercise that fills me with JOY and is lower intensity.

When I first started doing this I must admit that I did panic.

Worrying about the ‘weight’ I would put on.

What I’ve noticed is that I have more energy, my brain works better and I am loving the exercise I am doing when I do it.

My arse and boobs may have got bigger admittedly. Not gonna lie.

But this is not necessarily a bad thing.

And I’ve had to remind myself of that.

I’ve been engaging in barre and pilates and have felt and seen my body getting stronger, more aligned and more flexible.

And honestly, I’ve felt myself MORE out of my head during this time.

I’m having to reteach my body that exercise is for JOY not for punishment.

I’m having to reteach my mind to accept my body, one step at a time.

The question I want you to engage in when exercising is…

Am I doing this to celebrate my body or PUNISH it?

Is this for the pure JOY of pushing my body or pushing my body for PAIN?

We are constantly bombarded with images of men and women with rock hard abs and buns of steel,

Whilst we sit with our deliciously doughy pastry buns…

I mean… we are shamed for having cellulite and stretch marks.

I have NEVER been in a position where someone has taken their clothes off in front of me, and I’ve gone,

‘Ew, no thanks.’

I can’t be the only one who is grateful for another human’s naked body and physical connection.

So why do we put this pressure on ourselves?

Having a six pack won’t get me a job.

It won’t give me a million pounds.

It has absolutely ZERO to do with whether I’m a good person or not.

So why do so many of us feel the need to PUNISH ourselves with exercise?

Even when you see promotional images of gyms, the people are always GURNING with MOUTHWIDE GRINS.

I’ve had so many people say to me, ‘I hate running’

Fair does.

And I personally HATE the gym.

Fair does.

The atmosphere and amount of mirrors does not sit well with me.

Which is ironic because I very barely sit in the gym. #dadjoke

Find the EXERCISE that fills your heart and spirit with JOY.

That actually makes you feel GOOD about yourself.

In school, I hated Physical Education in school because unless you were unbelievably good at it, you were made to feel like an IDIOT.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that I actually really enjoyed exercise.

And not just because I cultivated an eating disorder for many years.

(TROLOLOLOL)

But for the sheer joy of running down a hill as fast as I could,

Gleeful like a child,

Or dancing along to music,

Laughing and sweating,

Or breathing into a pilates exercise,

Stretching my body and stilling my mind.

Ask yourself the question when you exercise…

Is this for me or for others?

Am I loving or HATING my body doing this?

Am I exercising for JOY or for PUNISHMENT?

You should NEVER have to earn your food with exercise.

In fact, what I have to say to that idea is…

Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Chickpea Cookie Dough !!!

(I sound like Mary Poppins)

Cookie dough?

FOR BREAKFAST?

AND ALSO FOR A SNACK?

Hells yeah, baby girls and boys.

But it’s made of chickpeas?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU JOYFULLJOYFOOD?!

Chickpeas add extra protein and fibre. They give the brilliant consistency of cookie dough without eggs and dairy. Trust me on this.

When blended with bananas, maple syrup, oats and Salted Caramel protein powder…..

They are HELLA TASTY.

It’s like dessert humus. But cookie dough.

You also don’t need any fancy flours as you can just blitz normal porridge oats. #thrifty

I’ve also added a low sugar muesli for some extra crunch and Ombar 72% Raw Chocolate Buttons for the chocolate chip element. You could easily use any other dairy free chocolate buttons or chips. Or even cacao nibs.

Try it for breakfast as a high protein, full of fibre, desserty bowl of goodness.

Or as a snack for a mid afternoon treat.

Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Chickpea Cookie Dough

Ingredients –

• 1 can of chickpeas drained.
• 50g oats blitzed into oat flour.
• 1 large banana
• 4 tbsp of maple syrup
• 1 pinch of salt
• 1 scoop of Salted Caramel Protein Powder (I used MIssfit’s vegan one)
• 1 and a half handfuls of low sugar muesli.
• 75g of dairy free chocolate buttons/chips/ cacao nibs.

Method-

• Blitz oats in food processor/blender or with hand blender until fine like flour. Dispense into a bowl and put to one side.
• Blitz chickpeas, banana and maple syrup with a hand blender or food processor.
• Mix in a pinch of salt, protein powder, muesli and chocolate chips/buttons/cacao nibs.
• Dispense into bowl and top with nut butters, ice cream, fruit of your choice.
• OR roll into balls and refrigerate for a quick tasty snack.
• EnJOY your tasty healthy bowl of cookie dough.

Whilst your eating your cookie dough, remember…

You do not need to earn food.

You do not need to punish your body.

You do not need to look a certain way.

You do not need to be a certain size.

You do not need to be perfect.

You are perfectly imperfect.

Our bodies are supposed to all look different.

Treat your body with the love and respect it deserves.

Much love,

Joy xx