I had a food binge.

A mindless food binge.

I wasn’t even tasting the food.

I just wanted all of the chocolate and sugar in my mouth.

Nothing would fill the deep hunger within me.

The empty hole that would never be full.

Barely chewing.

Just cramming it in my mouth and swallowing it down.

I stopped.

Realising that I felt sick.

And then, I realized what had happened.

On Friday night…

It was my first night FULLY alone since I’d started the road to recovery from severe depression last year.

Why am I telling you this?

Because it is important that we have these conversations.

Because it’s important that NOBODY ever feels alone in their behavior, their thinking and their mental health issues.

Because so many of engage in a BINGE culture.

Whether that be working like a mad person during the week and BINGE DRINKING on the weekend.

Whether that be under-eating during the week and BINGING on the weekend.

Or going from dieting to binging.

Or binging manically when alone to feel better about yourself.

Or binge drinking in the evening to stop yourself feeling so alone.

We all make a JOKE of this and talk about people we know who

EAT TOO MUCH,

or

go ABSOLUTELY MAD DRUNK/HIGH on the weekend.

Why are we not asking them HOW THEY ARE?

Why are we trivializing something when we should be TALKING about it?

So I binge ate on Friday.

Old me would have spent the REST of my weekend BEATING the crap out of myself if I’d let the control go and BINGE.

Telling myself how fat and horrible I was.

But I sat down with myself like I would with a child, wrapped myself in a blanket, made myself a cup of tea and said

‘It’s okay, that you’re frightened. 

It’s your first night alone since it all got really bad. 

You are very brave. Let’s take care of ourselves tonight’

So I put on a funny film and painted my nails.

And I ….

LET IT GO!!!

It is appropriate and RIGHT for me to be kind to myself.

And it is right for you to be KIND to you.

Binging is something that happens.

It isn’t healthy.

It isn’t fun.

And it doesn’t help.

Recognizing and being mindful of the emotion that is BEHIND it, is the first step.

Why is your body on DESTROY AND CONQUER mode?

What is actually happening?

We can all recognize that sometimes we EMOTIONALLY EAT.

Or emotionally drink.

We’re sad – we eat/drink.

We’re angry- we eat/drink.

We’re tired – we eat/drink.

If you sometimes engage in emotional eating,

This. Is. Okay.

DO. NOT. BEAT. YOURSELF. UP!

Your body does not HAVE to be a PERFECT SPECIMEN.

For who?

Who has set this GOAL for you?

Is this some video game where if you eat a whole tub of Ben and Jerries, it’s GAME OVER and you have to begin the ‘SIX PACK MISSION’ all over again?

Instead of BERATING or PILING THE GUILT ON YOURSELF FOR BINGING,

Ask yourself the question,

what is wrong?

Why do you feel like this?

What are you upset about?

Why don’t you talk to someone about this?

Care for yourself.

I know full well why I binge ate on Friday.

My sleep had been bad. I was very tired.

And I have a semi big decision to make. That has been playing on my mind a lot. 

On Friday, instead of picking up the phone and talking to someone, in a fear of being ‘needy’ and a ‘problem’, I internalized my feelings and BINGE ATE.

If I’d actually SPOKEN to someone, or TALKED KINDLY to myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to binge eat. The feelings would have been spoken about and dealt with it and it would have PASSED.

The more we talk about this…

The more kind we are to ourselves….

The more we talk to ourselves and talk to others…

The easier this will become.

I want to remind all of you…

that you are NEVER ALONE in the way you are feeling, the way you are dealing with life.

You are never alone, beautiful people.

Somethings I find MASSIVELY helps me from engaging in binging (most of the time, I’m human) is

Eating properly.

If I eat properly and REGULARLY throughout the day, eating slow release carbohydrates, protein, fibre, fruit and veg and SNACKS then… my energy is sustained, my brain works properly and my emotions are stable.

Food (for the most part) is not banned.

The moment you say to yourself ‘Oh, I can only have chocolate on the weekend’ is the moment you engage in starve/binge culture.

If you allow yourself things all the time, then you won’t be gagging for all the food in sight when the weekend comes.

Also FUEL YOUR BODY!

Your body is a temple that deserves to be GIFTED.

I stay away from REFINED SUGAR.

Okay, now this may seem hypocritical after my last tip but this does not mean I am DEPRIVED.

I promise you.

Refined sugar is like CRACK for your brain.

You know the concept of something being ‘moreish’; that you want MORE OF IT, when you eat it.

And when you have something like ice cream or chocolate that once you pop YOU JUST CAN’T STOP.

That is the sugar.

Refined sugar is ADDICTIVE!

There is quite literally a part of your brain that CHANGES when you taste it.

It latches onto sugar and seeks out MORE OF IT.

And surprisingly it is in SO MANY THINGS. Granola, muesli, cereal bars, chocolate, yoghurts, cereal etc..

Great alternatives are cereal bars like TREK, nakd, perkier, missfits, deliciously ella and Livia’s.

They’re all made with natural unrefined sugars like dried fruit, maple syrup, chicory fibre and honey.

Now these are more expensive. That is the downside.

However you can…

Bulk buy dried fruit.

You can eat a mix of nuts and dried fruit.

You can have a few squares of dark chocolate.

You can have an apple with some peanut butter.

Or nut butter on oats cakes (not rice cakes – rice cakes for the most part are nutritionally void).

A bowl of yoghurt with some fresh fruit.

A banana.

Or seek out discounts and offers on the refined sugar free products.

Now as you may have gathered already SALTED CARAMEL IS MY ACHILLES HEEL.

If something has salted caramel in it, I WILL EAT IT!

Now I have previously done a salted caramel recipe which is DELICIOUS. And is a great one for your porridge. It’s thicker. And made with dates and coconut cream.

This one is it’s SUPER SEXY COUSIN.

It’s like Pichu evolving into PIKACHU!

It also doesn’t have a coconutty flavour to it. It tastes like SALTED CARAMEL.

But it’s refined sugar free. It’s vegan. It’s SO SEXY!

I’ve made it with coconut sugar which is all natural and does not have a coconutty taste

(need to stop saying coconutty, it’s not a word but it makes me giggle)

I bought my coconut sugar discount (#livingmybestlife) but you could easily make this with a mixture of white sugar and muscovado sugar. The mix of sugars means that it doesn’t just turn into black treacle. And obviously, they are refined so do be careful.

I lathered mine over a Gato Salted Caramel Sticky Toffee Pudding and Miiro Salted Caramel Ice Cream (both refined sugar free. HUZZAH!)

Gato puddings are vegan and refined sugar free sweetening their products with dates and maple syrup. Plus SUPER TASTY!

Miiro ice creams are vegan and refined sugar free (and I personally think this is very clever) sweeten their ice creams with coconut sugar and italian grapes. Maybe (definitely) I’m a nerd but that is GENIUS!

Super Sexy Salted Caramel Sauce

What you’ll need:

• 6 tablespoons of coconut sugar
• 250ml of (Alpro Soya) Single Soya Cream
• 2 pinches of sea salt/pink Himalayan salt.

How to make it:

• Put the sugar into a sauce pan and gently heat on the hob, tossing the sugar round the pan.
• When you can SMELL the sugar and the colour has slightly changed, it means it is at the right heat to add the cream. Slowly pour in mixing the sugar entirely into the cream, making sure none of the sugar sticks to the bottom of the pan.
• Let it reach boiling then turn down to a simmer. Simmer until the sauce has thickened. This should take 5-10 minutes.
• Lather salted caramel on lavishly and allow yourself to LOVE and enJOY yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

Instead of beating yourself up the next time you binge, be mindful.

Treat yourself kindly,

Much love,

Joy xx