I have an amazing BUM.

jhfdjsfjkzsbfkbksdfjhbGYTFGDDYU&!&&WQ^UQ*EY*Y^*!&!!!BLEURRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Even as I type that my hackles are raising…

My brain is starting to attack…

Hating me and the rest of my body…

‘You cocky bitch, you’re nothing but a piece of SHIT!’

But you know what, it can seriously SHUT UP!

I am acknowledging a part of my body which is GREAT.

Also PRACTICAL; it’s a squishy meat pillow for my bones 💁🏼‍♀️

And do you know how I achieved this great ARSE?

And it wasn’t squats (although I do squat #gainsgainsgains)

CAKE!

I got a great arse from eating BLOODY DELICIOUS FOOD!

I come from a family who naturally, gain weight in their BUM and BOOBS.

‘HUZZAH! That is every woman’s dream. It is the ‘ideal shape’. Women get plastic surgery and squat for donkey’s years for this.’

I hated this.

It was a curse.

As soon as my young body started to hit puberty and my little boobs started to grow, I felt……. DISGUSTING.

People start looking at you differently.

Not in a ‘OH MY GOD SHE’S SO DROP DEAD GORGEOUS WAY’

But instead of being anonymous, or one of the lads, you are quite definitely a GIRL!

I remember a boy on the long bus home from school said to my little brother…

‘You’re SO LUCKY you get to see your sister naked at home’

1. EW!
2. Why the HELL would my little brother get to see me naked? I may come from a farming county but SERIOUSLY?
3. Also……EWWWWWW!!!!

I starved my body to disappear.

To have control.

To punish myself because I hated me.

Because that was the words I was fed by my bullies.

I needed to stop existing.

The best thing about being ill was being INVISIBLE.

My body….

My womanhood….

Completely disappeared.

I am not trying to FETISHISE a disease or encourage people to partake in this warped mentality.

I just want to break the idea (especially in eating disorder AWARENESS week) that eating disorders are born out of VANITY.

A desire to look like a model.

When in reality for the majority of sufferers, it is all about CONTROL and punishment.

This is hard to admit, but I still hate having boobs.

I sometimes wish I didn’t have them.

I don’t think I’ve spoken to anyone else in my life who feels like this (yet).

I accept that I am a woman, but I find it hard to accept ‘them’.

Whether I like it or not, my thighs like to KISS each other.

And I have a great BOTTOM

(still BLEURGH – I’m learning – forgive me)

How do you get a great body?

By EATING.

By HAVING ONE.

By EXISTING.

By being YOU.

Body positivity is so important.

Especially for the generations and GENERATIONS of us who have been ingrained by the media and by life that we need to have THE PERFECT BODY.

So EVERYBODY!

It’s something I’m trying really hard to engage in.

It is horribly difficult to CHALLENGE the years of NEGATIVE THINKING that you have cemented into your head.

That whenever you spend time alone, the only voice you hear from yourself is HATRED.

I hadn’t worn a bikini since I was 12 and two years ago …

I bought my first one as an adult

(I am now doing a coy blushing face. Just imagine this)

It was terrifying to put on.

I was unbelievably self conscious.

Especially of sitting down with it on

(STOMACH SQUISH – If you know, you know- pretty much everyone has it)

But I did it!

I am slowly reteaching myself to like my BODY and MYSELF.

And I know for SO MANY of us, this is true.

Today I encourage you to write down 5 things about your BODY that you LOVE.

This is for ALL GENDERS – so don’t try and buck out of this!

Starting to accept yourself, who you are and how you look, needs to start somewhere!

You could talk about how PRACTICAL it is.

Like, ‘My legs; they are powerful and help me walk and run’

Or bits that are NICE

‘My eyelashes – they are long and curly (and protect my eyeballs – just saying)’

Or maybe start SMALL with small bits that you love

Like ‘I love the freckle underneath my belly button – I hate my stomach- but that freckle- I love‘

Or bits that bring you pleasure

‘My mouth – as it helps me eat DELICIOUS PORRRIDDGGGGEEEE’

(had to mention it – sorry)

Or

‘My genitals – because……. sex.’

(You don’t really need to add anything to that, do you?)

If you need prompting – think about bits that OTHER people have said they like.

This does not mean you grow your SELF WORTH out of other people’s APPROVAL.

It’s a prompt.

It’s a hint.

‘Grace told me the other day that my eyes are piercing blue like a huskies. I think she may be right, you know’

But you HAVE to list 5 things.

It’s okay if you have that MASSIVE CRINGE moment.

Or your brain goes ‘NO YOU DON’T. YOU ARE SHIT!’

Acknowledge that feeling and let it pass.

It is easy to confuse CONFIDENCE with ARROGANCE.

And as someone raised in the UK, we have a habit of falling into self deprecation.

Writing this list is a first STEP to self love.

Today I am going to the LIVE WELL convention as part of H Bloggers , the health and wellness bloggers community.

I am actually quite excited to go to a talk about body positivity, a body positivity yoga class and loads of other seminars and health food stalls.

I was anxious about going. And going by myself.

Just because of how bad my panic attacks have been recently.

But am reminding myself of that BRAVE SPIRIT.

Be brave in your LOVE of yourself and your LOVE of others.

So instead of ending today’s blog with ‘Much, love’

I’m going to end it with,

Sending ALL of my love to you BRAVE SPIRITS,

Fight the good fight,

(Much love – couldn’t resist),

Joy xx