Today I have a hospital appointment.

It’s not for my mental health.

It’s for my stomach.

I was diagnosed with IBS as a young teenager.

But anorexia and the destructive habits I engaged in (diet pills and laxatives to name a few) have only made it worse.

Recently I shared on my Instagram stories, the long term detrimental effects I’ve caused to my body due to anorexia nervosa and orthorexia.

And I realized that this is something that isn’t generally spoken about.

We see the SHOCKING IMAGES.

The before and after shots.

The visual SHOCK FACTOR of anorexia nervosa.

But what happens to your body in the long term isn’t always shared.

I know that even when I was at my worst, I would NEVER have listened if somebody had told me what it would do to my body in the long run.

I would have carried on the path to destruction.

And, case and point, it’s taken me a full decade to get my act together.

But the more we talk about this, the more I hope young people will realize that there are other roads to take.

The more people of all ages, will question whether the disordered eating road or even the DIET CULTURE road, isn’t necessarily THE RIGHT ROAD.

What happened if instead of going on a diet, you started listening to your body?

Like PROPERLY listening?

Listening to it’s internal cues.

Listening to whether you are hungry, thirsty, bored, stressed, upset.

What if you broke free of diets or disordered eating, and just lived your life?

What if you let go of body shaming and just accepted who you were and the way you looked?

I see more and more diet teas, diet pills and fad diets pop up on my social media and in magazines every day.

And magazines are packed full of celebrities going on the latest CRAZY DIET FAD.

I listen to friends and family members talking about going on a diet. Or skipping lunch. Or drinking meal replacement shakes. Or trying a new crazy diet plan where you eat ice cubes for breakfast and a swan’s feather for lunch.

And all I want to do is SHAKE THEM AND SHOUT NO!

Your body is a BLOODY TEMPLE!

Not in the sense that it is a temple with a six pack that should only eat KALE.

But in that, you should kneel at the temple of your own body EVERY DAY and thank it for being.

Thank it for existing.

Thank it for it’s difference to any other body.

Feed it with treats.

Don’t overfeed it to the point of bursting or vomiting.

Don’t starve the temple.

Feed it with love.

Feed it with goodness.

Listen to the temple and respond.

I’m gonna list the cold stone facts of what a decade of undereating and over exercising has done to my body.

Not as shock factor.

But because I want somebody, who is reading this, in the throws of disordered eating or,

Going down the road to disordered eating,

Or someone who has decided to go on the diet teas,

Or who has been ON and OFF a diet their whole life,

To read this,

And to take another path.

To make a hard but happier decision and choose a different path.

1. I stopped growing.

I come from a family of tall people. My father is 6″3. My Mother is 5″9. My brother is 6″8. My doctor projected that I would grow to be above 6″.

Then anorexia nervosa came. I stopped growing. I am now 5″6 and I won’t grow any taller. I was told by doctors that I had stunted my growth.

2. My puberty didn’t start properly.

I paused my puberty. My breasts grew. My periods came. Then so did anorexia and EVERYTHING STOPPED. When I was 20, suddenly puberty started. I got serious acne, massive mood swings and I grew another inch (just the one, COME ON!). But my periods…

3. My periods stopped.

When I was 14, my periods stopped. They came back when I was 15. When I was 19, my periods stopped. They didn’t come back for four years. I still have no medical information about what kind of long term effect this will have on my ability to have children in future. But it’s a terrifying thought to think that it may have been taken away from me. And it was all my own doing.

4. My hair fell out.

I had thick hair. Thick long hair. When I was 19 and got to my lowest weight, it started to fall out. In large clumps. I would wash my hair and whole chunks would come out. I would brush my hair and the same would happen. I would run my hands through it and strands of hair would fall between my fingers. I felt even worse than I already did. When my hair grew back, it was fine. I’d gone from having thick hair to fine hair. And that’s something I can’t get back.

5. Digestive issues.

This is not a fun conversation to have to admit. Whilst I was falling down the rabbit hole of anorexia nervosa, 14 year old me and then 19 year old me, decided to buy into DIET PILLS. I was barely eating, if at all, and would take above the recommended dose of chemical diet pills each day. I would get heart palpitations. My vision would black out for a while. I would faint. But I still took those darn diet pills.

When you’re anorexic, your digestion stops working. Understandably, because there is nothing to digest. I was on a cocktail of laxatives for many years first of my own choice as a way of losing weight, then prescribed by the doctor (a gentler version).

Because of these two things, I’ve managed to damage my stomach and digestion in a way that effects me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

6. I have a weak bladder.

This is humiliating but true, but when I was at my lowest weight and yet still running 15km a day, my bladder got weaker and weaker. So much so, I would sometimes have come home from a run and I had wet myself.

My bladder has repaired massively since then but I still have to get up for a wee during the night. And I need the toilet a lot more than the average woman my age.

7. I messed up my blood sugar.

If you continually underfeed yourself, not listening to your bodies cues, it can go into hypoglycemia. In the long term this can have a horribly damaging effect on your liver and even cause diabetes.

My doctor advised that I go get my blood tested for diabetes earlier this year but I haven’t yet mustered the guts. He is concerned that years of being hypoglycemic has caused me to get diabetes. I am quite honestly terrified. It’s hard knowing something else you did to mess up your body.

All I know is that I have horribly low blood sugar. If I do not eat on a regular basis, I get faint, my words slur, I get very sleepy and my cognitive abilities (brain function) slows down massively. If you thought HANGER was bad, low blood sugar looks like DRUGGED, DYING HANGER.

8. I lost my hearing.

FYI – I can hear fully now. But I was born with a slight hearing impairment. When I was anorexic the first time, it got worse. When I got ill again at 18, my hearing started getting worse. So much so then when I got to my lowest weight, I was given hearing aids in order to hear properly. I hadn’t lost all my hearing but enough that it made it difficult to hear people speaking. That when the doctor put the hearing aids in, I didn’t even realize that air conditioning HAD A SOUND.

I started eating better, I gained some weight and 3 years later, I went to get my hearing checked. I still have a slight hearing loss but the difference from that test when I was at my lowest weight to now is MASSIVE. I don’t need hearing aids at all. My hearing doctor said that the only thing he could say was that my anorexia nervosa and starving myself must have had a direct impact to my hearing. He couldn’t believe it himself.

Now if all of that, dear reader, doesn’t make you want to RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF and RAVAGE ME HERE AND NOW….

No wait… that’s not right…

If that doesn’t make you question DIET CULTURE,

If that doesn’t make you question DIET PILLS AND DIET TEAS,

If that doesn’t make you question MEAL REPLACEMENT SHAKES,

If that doesn’t make you want to throw out your body hate and kneel down at that the temple which is your BEAUTIFUL BODY, then I don’t know what will.

Care, love and accept the temple of your body.

And throw out the bloody diet pills!

What has Plum and Hazelnut Overnight Oats got to do with diet culture AT ALL?!

I have a special lady in my life who is trying to eat more healthy.

It’s not me by the way. Speaking about yourself like that in the third person is HELLA creepy.

I am getting very stern and telling her that she should not go on a ‘DIET’.

That she needs to learn to love her body.

But introducing more healthy, good food to your diet. Fully listening to your bodies cues. Exercising 2-3 times a week.

That’s just further worship of your body.

She’s recently found out about overnight oats and bircher muesli.

So I’ve made this for her.

(Also I’ve added both nut butter and whole hazelnuts to mine. And I know the little dying anorexic part of my brain is kicking off right now. And I’m just laughing and chowing down on these oats LOLLLLLL)

I’ve spiced mine with cinnamon and nutmeg for that spicy, earthy contrast to the sweetness of the plums and hazelnuts.

Plums are really great for your digestion and also full of antioxidants and Vitamin C.

Hazelnuts are packed full of good unsaturated fats, magnesium and Vitamin B and E.

This is quite literally a beautiful offering to the Temple that is your BODY.

(Plus if you make it the night before, the extra sleep is ANOTHER offering to your body temple. AMEN!)

Plum and Hazelnut Overnight Oats

What you’ll need:

• 50g of oats
• 1 tbsp of chia seeds.
• 1 tsp of cinnamon
• 1 tsp of nutmeg
• 1 pinch of salt
• 3 tbsp of coconut yoghurt
• 5 tbsp of plant based milk
• 2 plums chopped
• Handful of hazelnuts
• Spoonful of hazelnut butter if you’re feeling extra sexy.

How to make it:

• Mix oats, chia seeds, cinnamon, nutmeg and the pinch of salt together in a porridge bowl.
• Add yoghurt and plant based milk and stir.
• Put into the fridge to mull overnight.
• Sleep a beautiful sleep. Wake up. Do what you have to do. Chop plums and place on top of oats (take the oats out of the fridge first).
• Also top with hazelnuts and hazelnut butter if you’re feeling extra sexy today.
• Sit down with your oats remembering that you are fuelling the temple that is your body. Thank it for being there, for existing, whatever size or shape. EnJOY.

Be kind to your body today,

Much love,

Joy xx