CHANGE!

Bleurgh!

Even the word makes me want to vomit feelings up.

Change is BLOODY HARD.

I have always found change very difficult

When my parents separated when I was 12, my dad bought me the book,

‘Who moved my cheese?’

It’s a very famous self help book about dealing with change.

Did it help- HELL NO!

(Although I’m sure it’s very helpful, at the time, it really bloody wasn’t. Well meant though, Dad.)

Since moving to London, 7 years ago I have moved flats 7 times.

I have always found moving flats very difficult.

The change is completely overwhelming.

You spend a year making somewhere your home.

Taking time to make your room your own.

Finally managing to settle in and for it to feel like your HOME, only to have to up sticks and MOVE somewhere completely different.

My mum and stepdad have always helped me.

And god bless them, they always know what an emotional wreck I am on move days.

I’ll try to hold all the emotions in. Then get snappy with them which then ultimately leads to snotty, choking crying.

(Seriously, they are saints to put up with me on move days)

Every single time in my life when something has ENDED.

Whether it be school, or sixth form, or university, or a play/ production I’m in or a relationship, I have always responded in a heart broken way.

When I was a kid and a production of West Side Story ended, I locked myself in my room for 3 days, refusing to eat or wash or leave the room.

I will quantify this with the fact that I was severely anorexic.

My mum then tried to lure me out of my room with a very lovely gift.

I still refused to come out.

I believe my words were,

‘If it’s not a kitten – I’m not coming out.’

Which makes me sound like Veruca Salt.

When in fact I was just a highly starved, anorexic, depressed youth.

Maybe that’s what was wrong with Veruca Salt?

Nah! She was just spoilt.

Now something I have realized over the past few years is that CHANGE is an amazing thing.

Without change, we do not evolve as humans.

If you we remained the same as we were when we were babies, we would be adults in nappies, breastfeeding.

(EW- disgusting image. No thanks)

When we are children, we adapt to change a lot better.

Changes pass by us and we don’t even realise, embracing each change as it comes.

As adults, we get set in our ways, refusing to adjust and change as the world around us evolves.

I have a big change about to happen in my life.

My parents are moving away from my family home and hometown and they are moving to Yorkshire.

I won’t have my close family near me.

And I won’t have that much reason to go back to my hometown.

Needless to say the bigger change is really going to be for my parents.

My mum and stepdad are going to adapt to a whole new life in a different part of the U.K.

Away from their family, loved ones and the life they have already built.

I have learnt many a thing from this pair, including LOVE, GENEROSITY and KINDNESS.

And laughter and silliness ( you can never forget those).

But also BRAVERY.

These two have bravely stood by my side through some very rocky terrain.

They found love later in both their lives.

And they bravely follow a life led by their faith and belief in kindness and love to help those around them.

Dealing with CHANGE takes real BRAVERY.

I have anticipated this big change and responded to myself in a kind way.

Associated that I need to be reaching out to my close friends.

Building up my life here even more in London.

Engaging in my hobbies more.

And organizing skype sessions in phone calls with my Ma.

I’ve personally found the whole process of change much easier for the first time in my life because so many aspects of my life have been changing and will change over this year.

So because I anticipated it, I prepared and will continue to take care of myself.

But most importantly, check in on my Mum.

So how do we prepare, adapt and deal with CHANGE?

Whether it be weight gain in eating disorder recovery…

A break up…

A change of job/career…

A change of location…

A change of your bed sheets…. wait no, not that one..

Whatever change is happening in your life, here are some effective ways of dealing, coping and growing with change…

Write down the POSITIVES and NEGATIVES

This may seem counterintuitive.

Because seeing the negatives on paper can feel overwhelming.

However I have found by writing down the positives, they are highlighted in our minds.

We can take note of them.

And remember them.

And by writing down the negatives, we are able to see how they may effect us and how we may deal with them mindfully.

For example, and I will use my own life for this and my parent’s moving.

Negative – My mum, one of my best friends in the entire world will be over 4 hours away. It is more expensive and longer time traveled to see her.

How can I deal with mindfully? I schedule in skype sessions so I can see her. I arrange phone calls. I book train tickets or coaches in advance so I keep my travel costs down.

Positive – They’re gonna live right next to the beach.

Oh my gosh! I love beaches. Swimming in the sea. What tranquility when I see them both!

Another example for ANOREXIA RECOVERY.

Negative – Weight gain. What if I become fat?

Looking at this statement completely objectively – what is the likelihood that you would become ‘fat’ when you start recovering. Not very likely. And is being ‘fat’ the WORST thing that can happen to you? Objectively, AWAY from an anorexic brain, it really bloody isn’t.

What would you gain by gaining weight? Mood stability, energy, brain function, libido and sexual function.

How can we help ourselves mindfully when dealing with this negative? Remove mirrors from our rooms, get rid of scales from our houses, get rid of clothes that are a small innapropriate size.

Can you see how by WRITING down and HIGHLIGHTING the positives you can acknowledge them fully?

And by WRITING and HIGHLIGHTING the negatives you can deal with them appropriately?

The more you let them swim freely in your brain the bigger they can escalate in to something out of your control.

Face them head on and change those worries into actionable and positive things.

Up your SELF CARE

This is highly important.

This is a big cuddle from yourself.

Go for walks in the countryside.

Run boiling hot baths.

Engage with aromatherapy.

Read your favourite book.

Make your favourite meal.

Paint your nails (whatever your gender)

Watch your favourite film.

Buy yourself a coffee or a piece of cake.

Give YOURSELF a hug (it does work, I promise)

And my favourite piece of self care…

DANCING ROUND YOUR ROOM TO YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

Pieces of SIGNIFICANCE

What do I mean by this?

I mean surrounding yourself with items that are significant to you.

Whether it be a souvenir/item of clothing/ornament that a loved one gave you.

Wearing a jumper or perfume/cologne that belongs to someone you love.

Wearing a piece of jewellery that reminds you of someone or makes you feel BRAVE.

I have two pieces of jewellery from Mantra Jewellery that are paired with mantras that always make me feel BRAVE and like myself – full of JOY.

TALK TO PEOPLE

When change is a-cooming – do not isolate yourself.

Talk to people that matter to you. Reach out for support.

Do what you love doing with them.

Do not be alne through change that seems overwhelming.

If it involves a move – schedule in all the Skype and phone calls you can.

Focus on your passions

Whether this be cooking, writing, running, chasing water voles through the woods, climbing, swimming, dressing up as an otter and scaring tourists.

Whatever your passion or hobbies are…. THROW YOURSELF INTO THEM.

These are the things that feed your soul.

For me recently, that’s been cooking, writing and exercise. They fill up my happy tank.

And through this I’ve been engaging in communities connected to them and making more friends. Always a plus.

With a smile on your face

Are you bloody kidding me, Joy? JOG ON MATE!

Try with this one.

Allow yourself to feel all emotions. So if there are days in which you cry or you are angry, that’s okay. Don’t push it away. Allow yourself to feel it.

But also acknowledge the happy days. The smiling and laughing days.

The more you do, the more you’ll notice that they are frequent. They happen daily, even in days of tears.

Joy is found in sadness.

Moments of joy are found every day, if we choose to notice them.

I recently joined the MissFit‘s running club.

A way to engage with a hobby I love whilst meeting like-minded fitness friends.

I’ve had a real blast with them all and my running time has gone down significantly which is always a BONUS.

I wanted to engage in more groups like this to focus on my passions whilst change is happening.

Another of my passion’s is COOKING.

So I’ve made these Missfit‘s Caramel Pecan and Dark Choc Protein Balls.

Excellent for fuelling runs.

Excellent for emotional stability when fuelling change.

Missfit‘s Caramel Pecan and Dark Choc Protein Balls

Ingredients –

• 1 can of butter beans rinsed and drained.
• 60g oats.
• 1 large banana
• 4 tbsp of maple syrup
• 1 pinch of salt
• 2 scoops of Missfit’s Salted Caramel Protein Powder
• 50g of broken pecans.
• 50g of dark chocolate chunks.

Method-

• Drain butter beans and rinse under cold tap in a collander.
• Blitz butter beans, banana, oats and maple syrup with a hand blender or food processor.
• Mix in a pinch of salt, protein powder, pecans and dark chocolate chunks.
• Place in fridge for an hour to chill.
• Roll into balls and store in fridge.
• EnJOY your tasty snack before or after workout and whenever the HELL you feel like. You deserve it!

The hardest thing about CHANGE and UNCERTAINTY is being able to TRUST what is happening.

Being able to TRUST what is happening.

TRUST where you are going.

TRUST that although there may be bumps in the road, it will work out for the best.

Instead of fighting change, try to trust and embrace what is going on around you.

Let your guard down.

Without change we do not grow and evolve.

I wish you all the bravery,

Much love,

Joy

xxx