On Monday, I am going to Barcelona for a week with a few friends.

Never been on holiday with friends before. Muy emocionante!

(That’s very excited. FYI. Adios)

Sun, beach, good food, exploring, culture, good wine and cocktails?

Not for me.

I have been sober for 4 and a half months.

I quit drinking in January.

(Well aren’t you a BARREL OF LAUGHS)

I wasn’t an alcoholic.

I started the new year and wanted to reflect on what was no longer making me happy.

What was making me miserable.

And what were the destructive habitual patterns in my life.

And let them go.

Like many people in their twenties, I got myself into some precarious situations.

Some fairly dangerous situations.

And there were times that I felt like a hot mess.

Drinking with mates sometimes swallowed whole weekends.

I would wake up with hangover anxiety.

Hangover dread.

Hangover depression.

HANGOVER OF STARING INTO THE PURE ABYSS.

So I quit drinking.

I won’t go into the ins and outs of it other than to say it was difficult.

But now I’m one of those smug sober people who is mostly, extremely perky on weekends getting loads of things done, working on projects and exercising.

My skin has improved. My sleep has improved. My mental health has improved.

#supersmugsoberperson

Now that it’s coming up to Summer, there’s going to be a lot of BBQs, house parties and pub gardens.

And now being the only one of my friends that doesn’t drink, is hard.

Everybody else will be drinking.

And I won’t.

For the first few months, I removed myself from situations where people were drinking.

It might have helped that I was recovering from a depressive episode so wasn’t going out that much anyway. #priorities

And have some really great close friends who didn’t always drink in front of me.

(Their choice not to, not mine.)

And now I’m socializing more and going out more and I’m okay with not drinking around others who are.

What I’ve noticed is….. I have just as much fun NOT DRINKING around people who are.

That I can still have a laugh. That I can still have deep chats. Without having to have a drink.

The thing I realized is that it became habitual. That at the end of the week, I’d need a glass of red wine. And then a glass would turn into a bottle.

That if I was stressed, I’d have a drink.

That if I wanted to celebrate, I’d have a drink.

If I was low, I’d have a drink.

Which would only quieten or dampen the issue rather than dealing with it.

I’m not PREACHING, that everybody needs to quit drinking and join the sobriety train (CHOO CHOO!)

What I think we need to engage in more as a culture is whether we can have a weekend without needing a drink and whether we can deal with emotions, without having to turn to something whether it be food, alcohol or drugs to deal with it.

Can we question a feeling? Can we consult a problem? Can we talk about it?

Rather than trying to silence our feelings.

Do you need to drink to have fun, lose control and let loose?

Or can you do it yourself, sober?

We are a civilization of people who look to external things to self soothe.

We’d much rather not talk about our problems and ease difficult emotions with drinking, drugs, food, religion, exercise, sex, baking…. whatever..

Obviously some of these coping mechanisms are healthier for you than others.

But I believe that we need to be talking with each other. Talking about difficult feelings or hard times rather than drowning them.

I read into some research whilst writing this blog post, a lot of which was mixed saying that red wine had positive effects OR that the best recommended dose of alcohol is none.

Every piece of research was largely conflicting.

And then I found a quote from the charity Alcohol Change which I think is really positive and words it well..

‘ We are not anti-alcohol; we are for alcohol change. We are for a future in which people drink as a conscious choice, not a default; where the issues which lead to alcohol problems – like poverty, mental health issues, homelessness – are addressed; where those of us who drink too much, and our loved ones, have access to high-quality support whenever we need it, without shame or stigma. ‘

And I think is the important thing.

Addressing the issue rather than ignoring it.

When I’ve had a long or emotionally draining day, I talk to somebody about it. Or do something to relax (e.g. a hot shower, a crappy TV show, some alone time with myself (interpret that as you will. Ho ho ho).

If I want to celebrate or I’m happy, I connect with those I love or do something creative or dance around in my pants.

Underlying issues or emotions or difficult feelings, need to be addressed rather than drowned or numbed with an external source.

This isn’t easy. Quite obviously, as so much of society, including myself in the past, sees a massive BENDER as a way to unwind.

I’m not sitting on some high horse judging people who choose this path.

Because I was there. I did that. I numbed it all.

And it got me nowhere.

Which is why I chose to do a year of sobriety.

To feel and know myself fully.

In all the highs and lows.

And I feel emotionally and physically better for it.

I fully intend to have a glass of red wine in future relaxing with friends as the sun sets.

But right now, I’m okay with engaging in sobriety in my twenties.

Much love,

Joy xx