Making friends can be SCARY.

In childhood days, it was SO MUCH easier.

When we happily toddled over to other children,

No introductions needed,

And started to squelch and play in the mud.

Then for whatever MULTITUDE of reasons, fear and doubt enters our lives.

And making friends as an adult can be TERRIFYING.

After years of bullying, I can still find making friends difficult.

Anxiety creeps into the back of my mind and screams…

‘THEY DON’T LIKE YOU! THEY THINK YOU’RE A FREAK!’

Even with the friends I’ve gathered over the years,

SELF DOUBT can creep in.

When I’m with them, over-analyzing what they’ve said

Or

When we’re apart and I over-analyse if I don’t hear from them

or

over-analyzing the text they’ve sent me.

It’s a literal MINEFIELD!

REQUITED LOVE is a difficult concept to absorb into your brain.

That love is returned and you don’t need to WIN or EARN it.

That at any moment, they are not going to leave you or turn around and MOCK you.

‘Tricks on you! I was never your friend! This has always been some massive trick and I think you’re a twat!’

In all honesty, my brain often thinks this is the case.

But I can choose NOT to ENGAGE in this negative thinking.

I can choose to LET GO of bullying experience, and ENGAGE fully in the relationships and friendships I have.

Not living in fear that any point they will realise I am a MASSIVE WEIRDO.

People LOVE you because you are a WONDERFULLY WEIRD person.

Now I choose not to engage in the concept of being an INTROVERT or an EXTROVERT.

I think for the majority of us we are AMBIVERTS.

Loving social interaction but also needing ALONE time to recharge.

How we do form new friendships and relationships with people?

Especially if for some people the idea of social interaction is TERRIFYING.

You CANNOT force friendship.

There is a start.

The friends I’ve gathered over the years have been people I have COMMON INTEREST with.

It wasn’t like some DATING CHASE GAME

in which I had to WIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP

at ANY COST

like a VALIANT yet ANNOYING KNIGHT in ARMOUR!

I struck up conversation with that person. Found common INTERESTS or EXPERIENCES or PHILOSOPHY of LIFE, and the conversation flowed and we became friends.

Meeting people at WORK. Or university/drama school. Or at PARTIES. Or at the GYM. Or in a mutual HOBBY we share.

I feel like the first step if you are finding it difficult, is to engage fully in YOUR HOBBIES.

There are great websites like MEETUP, which have all sorts of groups like Book Reading Clubs, Yoga, Dungeons and Dragons, Running groups, Ultimate Frisbee, Beauty groups, Baking groups…… THE LIST GOES ON!

Now it may seem terrifying to engage in something with PEOPLE YOU DO NOT KNOW…

I would say…. GO GENTLY WITH YOURSELF.

Plan it into your week. And if you don’t make it one week, GO THE NEXT.

Change DOES NOT HAPPEN overnight.

When you engage fully in your HOBBIES, and engage fully in LIFE,

new friendships come easier.

I also encourage VULNERABILITY.

Be open with people.

If it is your first time at a new gym class/hobby, tell people,

‘Oh, I’m super nervous, it’s my first time here and I don’t know anybody’

You would be SURPRISED how many people feel or have FELT like you.

Also vulnerability in our own lives.

I’ve accidentally made friends when I’ve been OPEN with people.

When I’ve said at work/ a hobby/ at a party,

‘Actually I’m not okay, I’ve been through a break up/my mental health is bad/my dog just died and I feel like CRAP!’

You’d be surprised who hasn’t been through EXACTLY the same thing as you.

Remember we are ALL HUMAN.

Everybody gets SCARED.

We are all VULNERABLE within.

Go gently with yourself.

Remember the people you DO have in your life.

The friends and loved ones you already have.

When I was younger I was on such a QUEST to be POPULAR and LIKED by everyone, that I destroyed myself and my self esteem.

And now I’m older, I see that the friends I do have are SO SPECIAL to me.

They are INVALUABLE in my life.

Cherish the ones you have.

When I was about to go to drama school, I went to an Accommodation day.

I met an 18 year old girl called Lucy who was on my course.

I took one look at her and thought,

‘We will never be friends’

I thought we’d have nothing in common and were very different.

Like so many things in life, turns out…. I WAS WRONG.

And OH MY GOODNESS, Am I happy that I was WRONG?!

‘Like an apple cleft in twain’

We are TWO PEAS in a POD.

If I had a patronus charm, it would be LUCY.

(It’s actually a BAY HORSE. I took the quiz #winning)

We figured out how much we had in common when I was going through a horribly low point in drama school.

We decided to have dinner and watch a movie in our pyjamas together.

Cut to 6 hours later and we hadn’t watched any of the film and were chatting about EVERYTHING.

We ACCIDENTALLY became the best of friends.

(Whoopsy – I fell over and now you’re my friend)

I was completing the 100 days of happy at the time, and she was my 100th day.

And she will ALWAYS be my 100th day of happy!

Lucy came to visit me this weekend so we could go to Vegan Life Live together.

From two people who have suffered badly with eating disorders…

(That is not the ONLY thing we have in common. LOL)

Let me tell you….. we were trying ALL the samples.

We weren’t counting calories. We weren’t saying NO.

We were living life to it’s full POTENTIAL.

It was such a joyful experience.

Making each other laugh and being WONDERFULLY WEIRD together.

We then went onto have a BURGER-ASM at Temple of Seitan.

Sweeeettttttt LORRRRDDDD – it was OFF THE BURGER SCALE BRILLIAANNNNTTT!!!!

Who would have thought that these two girls GIGGLING and SMILING over their burgers had suffered with eating disorders?

And this morning, I made Lucy my CHERRY BAKEWELL OATS.

She has an important meeting today so I wanted to fill her tummy with LOVE and GOODNESS.

Cherry’s contain anthocyanin which is a chemical that can aid boosting your memory.

Almonds are packed full of SO MANY GOOD THINGS including MAGNESIUM which is fantastic for ANXIETY.

A lot of people who suffer with anxiety have a defect of magnesium in their bodies. So boosting your magnesium is a WINNER!

This is also packed full of protein and good fats for that extra ENERGY BOOST in the morning.

This was a little piece of TARTY, CAKEY, anxiety easing GOODNESS in the morning.

And Lucy, loved it.

Cherry Bakewell Oats

What you’ll need:

• 45g oats (double quantities as you go if making for more than one person)
• Plant based milk (enough to cover oats)
• 2 tsp of almond extract
• A pinch of salt
• 1 tbsp of almond butter (I used Mindful Bites Almond and Maca Butter)
• (Optional) 1 tbsp of Vanilla Protein Powder (I used Macacha Energy blend)
• A handful of frozen cherries
• 1 tbsp of ground almonds.

How to make it:

• Put frozen cherries into a microwavable bowl and microwave for 1 and a half minutes. Set to one side.
• Put oats into a pan or bowl with the cacao powder, optional protein powder and salt.
• Top with plant based milk, a pinch of salt and almond extract.
• If heating on the stove, heat on a low heat, stirring gently. Stir in almond butter and optional protein powder. Keep stirring till at consistency that is PERFECT for you.
• If heating in microwave, heat for 2 mins. Add almond butter and optional protein powder. Stir. Heat for another 2 mins. Heat for 1 min more if you like your porridge THICK.
• Top with ground almonds and stewed cherries. Make sure you add the cherry juices – they are super sexy and naturally sweet.
• Sit down with your oats and mindfully eat them, remembering the beautiful people and friends you ALREADY have in your life. EnJOY.

Go gently with yourself.

And remember that you aren’t weird,

You are WONDERFULLY WEIRD,

And that is what makes you special, my friend.

Much love,

Joy xx