How often when someone asks ‘HOW ARE YOU?’, do you answer honestly?

Well you’re hardly going to go….

‘It’s the anniversary of my cat’s death and I’ve been sitting on the loo all morning crying.’

or

‘I had a sex dream about my year 7 geography teacher and it is FREAKING ME OUT!’

or

‘I am struggling at the moment and I need support.’

Under a (perhaps poorly) disguised veneer of being FUN LOVING and SILLY….

I am not one of those people who DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

Sweating the small stuff is my middle name.

(That’s not true. It’s Jehan

which is Gaelic for sweating the small stuff.

Also not true.

Although it is Jehan.

FYI.)

When my mental health is bad, I AM SWEATING ALL OF THE SMALL STUFF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN (OR NOT SEEN BECAUSE IT IS SO SMALL) IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!

FLASH BACK to EARLIER TODAY.

I knew I had two appointments this morning with the local mental health services.

So I thought I’d go on an hour long run to clear my head and connect me with the outside world.

When going to sleep I thought I HAD PRECISELY ARRANGED MY WAKE UP TIME, to factor this in.

(Never trust sleepy Joy. Never trust sleepy Joy. Must remember never to trust sleepy Joy.)

I’m near the end of my run. Look at my phone and see the time.

I have precisely HALF AN HOUR, to get home, get ready, have breakfast and BE AT MY FIRST APPOINTMENT.

HUZZAH! I thought. This is the BEST NEWS EVERRRRRR!!!

But what could I do?

I sprinted home. Quickly threw oats, random powders (definitely edible), banana, 3 frozen blueberries (very specific) and soya milk into a pan and then stirred furiously.

I threw nut butter on top. It was a MESS!

I wolfed it down.

I laughed to my flatmate about the situation.

Ha ha ha.

I thought to myself ‘I’m handling this SURPRISINGLY well’

I had no time to meditate.

I had no time to shower.

I had no time to mindfully eat my food.

I legged it to my first appointment. An absolute mess.

Frazzled.

And the first thing I did was burst into tears.

Yeahhhhhhhhh….. not handling it so well.

It is so easy to show EVERYBODY else that we are ‘okay’.

Uploading pictures of us laughing. Or having fun on a night out. Or eating fancy food at a restaurant.

But how often are we VULNERABLE with those around us?

How often do we show the world how HUMAN we are?

Obviously there is a difference between over sharing and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.

But vulnerability, connects us together as humans.

Earlier on last year, my grandfather died.

I got up, painted on a smile, and went to work.

I didn’t tell anyone what had happened.

I wanted to get ON WITH THINGS.

Stiff BRITISH UPPER LIP and all that.

Things at work got CRAZY BUSY, and I started crying in the kitchen.

My manager asked what was wrong and I explained to him.

‘Why didn’t you say Joy?’

I said ‘I just wanted to get on with life.’

I started crying more and he comforted me.

I turned to him and said ‘No I can’t be upset, tell me I’m being a SILLY BITCH and to STOP CRYING!’

He said ‘It’s okay to be upset about this.’

I truly believe it is BRAVER to allow yourself to be vulnerable with people.

I have so much admiration for anyone I have seen talk about their struggle openly. Willing to let down their barriers and ASK FOR HELP.

(highly recommend my friend, Sophie’s blog ‘Gash Gossip’ talking openly about female sexual health. Amazingly brave and beautiful lady)

I say this all from the safety of my living room sat in front of a computer in my pyjamas, YES.

HOWEVER, I am trying to apply this to my everyday life as well.

Remember, we are all human.

Allow yourself to reveal your REALITY to others.

Be brave.

Be brilliant.

Be every SPECTACULAR ounce of you.

Take down the barrier of EXPECTATION of yourself and of OTHERS

And LIVE YOUR REALITY.

On that note, here is my first NON OATMEAL recipe.

(Finally!!!! I hear you scream from your computer)

I love Korean Food.

But Korean food has nothing to do with expectation vs reality, Joy?

Are you making a comment on the Korean beauty industry?

No but before I reveal the recipe, I want to show you the REALITY of what my food looks like before I eat it.

Underneath the beautiful presentation on Instagram, my food is ALWAYS a mess before I eat it. That’s reality.

I am a Korean Food enthusiast (also reality).

Look in my cupboard and you’ll find siracha, siracha mayo, gochujang paste which I liberally pour over EVERYTHING!

(shall I try it in my porridge?)

And Kimchi.

Oh Kimchi, how I love you.

A traditional fermented korean cabbage, it is sour, savoury and tart. It is utterly delicious AND also fantastic for your gut.

Dubu Kimchi is Kimchi Tofu (typically made with pork as well). I’ve made the veganised version of this. But cross referenced and read as many traditional recipes as I could get my grubby mits on.

Also just to say, I am a Korean Food enthusisast NOT an expert.

Also, this is my trial of NON PORRIDGE recipes. Wish me luck.

K thanx.

Dubu Kimchi (Kimchi Tofu)

Serves: Two

What you’ll need:

• 1 block of firm tofu
• 2 tbsp of gochujang paste
• 2 tbsp of sesame oil
• 1 tbsp of soy sauce
• 1 tsp of dark brown sugar
• 1 small knob of ginger grated
• 2 cloves of garlic grated
• 1 white onion
• 1 spring onion
• 1 jar of kimchi
• 1 red pepper sliced
• 1 courgette sliced
• Handful of brussels sprouts
• 100g of brown rice
• Chopped coriander to top

How to make it:

• Set oven to 180 degrees. Drain tofu. Slice into 1cm strips. Cut those in half so you have a series of smaller rectangles. Oil baking tray, place tofu onto baking tray and pop into oven.
• Start cooking the rice whilst you start chopping veg.
• Grate ginger and garlic and set to one side.
• Julienne peppers and courgette. Slice brussels sprouts in half.
• Put wok or large frying pan over a high heat, pouring in the sesame oil and allowing this to start to heat.
• Reduce heat and add ginger and garlic, sauteeing till brown. Add vegetables and toss around the pan until cooked.
• Add gochuyang paste, soy and kimchi and fry until bubbling.
• Drain and serve rise. Top with kimchi vegetables and sauce. Place baked tofu on top. Top with coriander.
• EnJOY.

Try being more honest and vulnerable with those around you.

And try not to sweat the small stuff.

Much love,

Joy xx