Has anyone ever told you that you have a ‘resting bitch face’?

The definition in the dictionary states a sullen or scowling expression attributed to or unconsciously adopted by a person when in repose.

Let me break it to you…..

RESTING BITCH FACE IS A LIE.

But do you know what is REAL?

Social anxiety.

I am friends with someone who people think is ‘grumpy’.

For years, I’d heard people complain that he was moody and withdrawn.

I’d never experienced that when talking to him.

It had never put me off.

He has a habit of going off by himself sometimes.

But I find him engaging and highly intelligent.

That person confided in me recently that they suffered with social anxiety (and have approved that I share this 👍❤️)

And it got me thinking….

I have had people in the past, on FIRST MEETING me say that they thought I was aloof or cold or perhaps a ‘bitch’.

I have had past boyfriends tell me that my resting face looks like ‘someone just shot bambi’s mum’.

I have a serious or sad thinking face.

When I first meet people, my brain automatically goes,

‘Oh my god, they’re going to hate you. You aren’t a nice or interesting person. You’re a freak! They’re going to see right through you and how TRULY HORRIBLE AND WORTHLESS YOU ARE!’

If I’m quiet, it is often because my brain has taken me on a little HATRED SAFARI TOUR through my past.

First impressions last.

But are we too quick to judge people?

I can put my hands up and say I am!

When first meeting all of my closest friends, I thought….

‘I will never be friends with you’

And now, they are my most treasured friends.

It is very easy to forget that a lot of us suffer with social anxiety and find it difficult meeting people for the first time.

Or being around large groups of people.

I know I find it easier socialising with people one on one

And when it comes to larger groups….

I can get overwhelmed by the amount of different noises and have to give myself breaks from it

For example,

Going to the LOO and pissing about on my phone (pardon the pun 💁🏼‍♀️)

Or

VAPING/ smoking for a long period of time like the caterpillar from Alice in wonderland.

It will take me a few hours to wind down from spending time with a large group of people.

I know I have used alcohol in the past to calm my nerves and ease the social anxiety I am feeling.

I think a lot of us can admit we do this.

But it’s not only social anxiety.

It’s the multitude of thoughts going on in someone’s brain when they suffer with anxiety.

Worrying about how people perceive them.

Worrying about work.

Worrying about bills.

Worrying about something they said to their year 8 English teacher.

Worrying that the world will implode.

Worrying about the fact they haven’t heard back from a friend they text 4 hours ago.

How can we make this easier for ourselves?

If going to a large social gathering, go with somebody you know rather than alone. Turn to that person if it gets too much.

Don’t drink too much to make it easier.

Give yourself a time limit.

That way you leave wanting more, rather than leave PULLING YOUR HAIR OUT.

Allow yourself mini breaks. Go to the loo. Go for a little walk.

In the words of a very famous drug campaign- ‘JUST SAY NO!’

Screw FOMO. You don’t have to attend every social gathering in fear of missing out or people hating you.

Obviously don’t say no to every social interaction.

But you are allowed to say no, if you don’t want to do something.

Cut yourself some slack.

Acknowledge the fact that we all have different personalities.

Some of us are loud.

Some of us are silly.

Some of us are quiet.

We are all different colours of a very interesting CRAYON box.

And the next time someone says that you have a resting bitch face…

Just smack them across the face!

That’ll show them who’s got a resting bitch face!

I mean, no…. that’s not what I meant…

What I meant to say is….

Just be more open with them.

Just let them know what is going on.

We are all human after all.

Much love,

Joy xx